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The Heron's Perspective on Other People
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You won't often see a heron on a double date. In fact the most common heron sighting is alone, perched at the water’s edge. However, for nesting, they gather in neighboring trees, high above the water, in colonies or rookeries. Multiple nests can be tightly packed into a single canopy, like apples on a tree. A colony can hold as many as 60 nests to help protect their babies from predators. Our skinny legged friend knows when to ask for help, and be supported. Asking for help is said to be a sign of bravery, where do you sit on the bravery scale in this department? |
“So often, when we feel lost, adrift in our lives, our first instinct is to look out into the distance to find the nearest shore. But that shore, that solid ground, is within us. The anchor we are searching for is connection.
- Brene Brown
The Pillar on Other People Matter
Pillars that offer insight and wisdom to ponder.
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Chris Peterson, the father of positive psychology, summed the field up in three words “other people matter.” I wholeheartedly agree and loved his 3 word message enough to create one of my own“let them in.” If he agreed, our collab would result in... Let other people in, they matter to your wellbeing.
Gabor Mate powerfully described trauma as going through adversity without being seen and heard. This shines a light the importance of other people in our ability to navigate through hardship. It's amazing how much better we feel when someone gives us a shoulder to cry on, listens to our fears, or just tells us we are going to be okay.
Can we agree that asking for help and letting other people would be helpful but yet we don't do it? It is scary to let people in, what if they disappoint us? What if they say no? Like Matt Damon says, "sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage. Just, literally, 20 seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it." In this case you only get the good stuff when you're brave enough to let people in.
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Action Steps
Bite sized actionable things to help you get more connected.
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Find Your Siege
(group of herons)
You selected your Coxswain and now it's time to figure out who is in the boat with you. These people are your support team. They will help you feel seen and heard, offer perspective and help row when you are tired.
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Give an update
Whether you have a team of 3 or 20 they can't support you if they don't know what is going on or what how best to support you. Rip the bandaid off and fill them in. Let them know how you would like to be supported emotionally and physically.
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Accept Help
Lean into the 20 seconds of bravery and accept the help that is offered. Science tells us that people who ask for help are more likable. Why? Well, because it feels good to be of service. Accept the help and both people win.
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Connect
When the time is right for you to reach out and connect, just do it. Let their energy lift you up and one day you will do the same for them. Reach out with old or new friends. When our energy is low and we are alone our energy is not likely to change. If we connect with others and harness their energy it can lift you up. Need to boost your energy this hack is a game changer. Try a 20 second hug to reduced blood pressure, decreased cortisol, improved healing, reduced cravings, and improve your immunity.
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Open to Love
Start by saying to yourself or write in your journal "I am open to love." This states your worthiness of others' love and care, and your receptiveness to its positive impact on your life.
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Savor the Notes
When you open up and let others in, they often respond with words of encouragement and support. To keep these uplifting messages close, create a dedicated folder in the notes section of your phone where you can store all the inspiring and motivating things people say to you. Whenever you need a boost, take a moment to read through these notes and let their positivity lift you up.
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Intentional Boundaries
By setting boundaries and being intentional about who you let in, you protect your energy and prioritize your well-being. It’s okay to choose your well-being over accepting an invitation from someone who depletes you.
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Inquiry
Be curious as you read the questions below. Notice how they make you feel. What is exciting? What scares you? What are you willing to commit to?
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Find your Team
Who are your "in case of emergency"people?
Give an Update
What is the most comfortable way for you to update your people on your situation?
Who is the one person you are willing to update today?
How do you like to be supported?
Accept Help
What is possible if you accepted help?
What do you want to remember about the importance of accepting help?
Connect
How do you like to connect with others?
What is one think you can do today to connect?
Who will you give a 20 second hug to?
Open to Love
Are you open to love? If so Say or write it...Now is the time. "I am open to love."
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That's it for this weeks's newsletter. I trust you have new insight and are walking away with actionable steps to move forward with grace and optimism. You can expect the next Herons Perspective to swoop in a week from today. If you are inspired please send this link to anyone who is looking for another path forward. I would love to hear how this resonates with you and what you would like more of, you can email me at here.
Be well and inspire others to do the same ,
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